They Can Take Everything Away From You

but they can never take away what you put in your head.

I went to two graduations this week. My little sister graduated from college as a Doctor in Physical Therapy. My little girl graduated Pre1A. The graduations, like most occurrences in my life, made me think of my grandmother. She would have been at both, the best dressed in the audience, clapping loudest.

Education was extremely important to her. She used to always say, “They can take everything away from you, but they can never take away what you put in your head.” She lived that reality. She saw how fickle processions are, how you can’t control if you will get to keep any of them. She had everything stolen from her. But they could never take what she put in her head.

She was passionate that my mother should go to college. She passed that down to my mother who was passionate that her girls should go to college. And so, this week, at my sister’s graduation, my mother said we had Bobby to thank for all of it.

My sister was practicing for the PT practical exam. She went to my grandmother’s apartment with my other sister (we all needed to be her dummies at one point or another) to make use of the wheelchair. My grandmother who was so sick then, watched the my sister study and practice and kept cheering, “Bravo! Bravo!”.

My sister said, “Bobby I am so scared I am going to fail.”

My grandmother said, “You know I see a little bit of me in you, you are very strong and you are a warrior. You are going to make it.”

She was right. My sister graduated top of her class and was the recipient of the award for academic excellence. My grandmother taught us that what you put in your head also includes the confidence that no matter how hard, if you keep working at it, you will get there.

My grandmother valued family tremendously, but she didn’t consider it an obstacle to learning. She told us we could do both. So when I sent my thesis to the faculty while I was in (early) labor, I acknowledged her.

I wrote: “Finally, I would like to thank my family. I would like to thank my mother and late grandmother for their constant emphasis on the importance of education and their encouragement that I can achieve my academic goals however long it takes. They were the greatest influence in my life. I would like to thank my husband for his constant support and encouragement in writing this thesis. I would also like to thank my two daughters and my baby who is due any day now! As Ruth Bader Ginsburg said about law school and motherhood, “each part of my life was a respite from the other.” In a small way, I felt the same.”

She didn’t say it was going to be easy. She often screamed at me for working too hard, “Get a babysitter! You can’t do what you are doing! You are not Moses!” She urged me to take it slow. “Time passes anyway. You will always be happy you did it, no matter how long it takes.” (And I took it slow! Sometimes one class a semester.) I won’t sugarcoat it. At times it was brutal, and I am glad it's behind me. During one of the lockdowns, I gave a Zoom presentation to the class about Vitamin B12, and my daughter screamed “MOMMY!!!” in the background the entire time. But the time passed anyways. I learned things I would have never otherwise. I am so grateful I did it.

These days, I'm beginning to think of knowledge as less about answers and more about questions. With the ease of googling and now with the rise of AI, spitting back facts seems less useful. With the algorithms feeding us only the information that we want to see, I think knowledge is seeking out other perspectives. According to the World Economic Forum, one of the most important skills for jobs in 2025 will be critical thinking and creativity. I see knowledge as the ability to build your own point of view on something. To know as many factors as possible. Not to simply spit back what people around you are saying.

Talmud learning is all about learning the arguments of great sages. Aristotle said, “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it”. It is said that the success of the great Brisk Yeshiva is that the students didn’t automatically agree with the other students’ insights. Knowledge is power but critical thinking is a super power. .

The holiday of Shavuos begins Tuesday night. It is the holiday we celebrate receiving of the Torah. My grandmother valued Torah learning and Torah knowledge above all “Marry a Torah learner!” she would always say. It was everything to her, even though she never got a formal education in it, it was in her bones. My grandmother left school at 12 years old. Her family was poor, and she had to work as a seamstress to help feed them. She heard of girls who went to college and desperately wanted to join them. Yet my grandmother sure got an education. She never stopped asking questions. She remained curious her whole life. She kept reading and searching and growing. My grandmother was one of the wisest women I knew.

Descartes said, “I think therefore I am”.  My grandmother said, “They can take everything away from you, but no one can take away what you put in your head.”Our greatest power is our minds and no matter how hard they try with propaganda and algorithms, if you truly fight for it, no one can take away what you choose to put in your head and therefore who you are.

That for me is a comfort and I hope it is a comfort for you too.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this!