Any Way You Look At It
Hi Everyone!
Today is my Hebrew birthday. Well technically speaking this year I do not have a Hebrew birthday. Hebrew birthdays go according to the lunar calendar and since the moon cycle is a few days shorter than the sun, we get an extra month every few years to make up for it. There is an Adar Aleph and an Adar Beis. I was born in Adar Aleph, which unfortunately for me, does not make an appearance this year. However, that will not stop me from celebrating. Being Jewish means two birthdays and no leap year will take that away from me. I am starting to channel my inner redhead.
Today I am 30. My grandmother would have been 99 years old. She would have loved that. When she would talk about her age she would flip the numbers, “I am 19” she said at 91, “I’m 29” she said at 92. She wouldn’t have been able to do that today. She would have been 99, any way you look at it.
99 is a big number, but 30 feels big to me too. I know age is just a number, but I also know that nothing teaches me more than experience, and each day brings me more experiences and lessons.
There is a line in A Wizard of Oz that I love: “A baby has brains, but it doesn't know much. Experience is the only thing that brings knowledge, and the longer you are on earth the more experience you are sure to get.”
My grandmother once told me, “You’re not only my granddaughter you are my friend. And I know I understand you and try to help you with what I can. Because I think you become 94 years old and if you are intelligent enough you know a thing or two.” That is why I always wanted to learn from people who lived longer than me. If they were intelligent enough, they learned a thing or two.
I also know age isn’t everything. I love the short story, Eleven, by Sandra Cisneros. She describes birthdays so well. “What they don’t understand about birthdays, and what they’ll never tell you is that when you’re eleven, you’re also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two, and one.” Some days, I am not 30, I am 3. Some days she wasn’t 91, she was 19.
My grandmother always had a young spirit, yet she didn’t mind getting old. Well, maybe a little. Once, while taking a selfie with me she said, “I don’t look 95”. I was waiting for her to smugly say she looks 59 but she stopped a beat and said, “I look 105.” I remember once sitting on the couch with her and listening to her talk about her hanging chin. “I would never get surgery on it”, she said. “A famous actress died that way. It is dangerous to be beautiful.” But she was so beautiful to me, especially her wrinkled, paper-thin skin that smelled of grown-up moisturizer and felt so soft against my cheek.
It feels a little weird getting older without her. I wish she was here to celebrate my birthday. I miss her so much, but I don’t feel like I have a right to. She lived to be 96 years old. She would have been 99 today. It wasn’t a tragedy that she passed away. She lived a long and beautiful life, and I got 26 years to share it with her, 26 years of her pure, unconditional love. But I still miss her. I miss her so much it hurts. I guess that is OK. Love goes beyond years and logic. Some days she wasn’t 90, she was 9 and I was too. She was my grandmother and my best friend, and I loved her with all my heart, any way you look at it.
They say on hebrew birthdays you have an extra power of blessing so I want to give a blessing to you all. May you have peace and joy and contentment and wholeness and love and everything your heart wants. You are a blessing to me. It is a comfort for me to write about her, and I hope it is a comfort to read about her.
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Love,
Nechama
P.S On her 96 birthday, you wrote her beautiful letters. She loved all of them. If you would like to, leave her a birthday message here in comments.
Wishing you a very happy birthday! It's a wonderful comfort reading your posts and all about your beautiful grandmothers life. Thank you for sharing her and you and the amazing closeness you had. I so wish I had recorded and documented my mom and my Oma's stories. I do from memory but the way you did it with your grandmother is precious and amazing!
Your grandmother was absolutely amazing. She inspired us, made us think, gave us some giggles and was just beautiful, inside and out. I adored seeing the relationship you had with her as it reminded me so much of mine with my nana. So many times I turn to her book to read yet again about her indomitable spirit. Happy heavenly birthday and we are thinking of you and sending love and support!